Entertainment

The Best and Worst of 2013 Pop Music

There’s a certain realm which exists in the world of music that both fascinates and disturbs me – a realm known as the radio. I’m not talking about niche stations or college radio (Go WMCX!), I’m talking about common, Top 40 playing, comes-in-crystal-clear-no-matter-where-you’re-driving radio.

My relationship with the radio is an odd one, as no matter what, my stance is never set in stone with it. Every year is the same: I hear a few songs that make me think we can be friends, and then I hear many, many more that make me want to file a restraining order. When will it end?

Not in 2013, certainly. As another year ends, let’s review the top 5 reasons why I love pop radio and the top 5 reasons why I mostly loathe it. Keep in mind for a song to make either list, it must have had significant radio play on Top 40 stations this year, so not every song from a popular artist will count (sorry Kanye, you’re still the man, though!).

Also, I decree there will be no Miley Cyrus on either list. That’s just too easy.

Top 5 Best Pop Songs

1) Justin Timberlake – “Suit & Tie” and “Mirrors”

So O.K., a tie for number one seems like a cop-out (and it is), but seriously, how do you deny one of the biggest pop stars of all time coming back out of nowhere and dominating the pop charts and radio with not one – but two – stellar hits. Especially when these hits, whether it be the ballroom glitter soul of the former or the show-stopping arena-pop of the latter, manage to stand out so defiantly against anything else out there. JT, I tip my fedora to you (just kidding, I would never own one of those).

2) Daft Punk – “Get Lucky”

You really have to give it up for these guys. After eight years of silence, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect for Daft Punk to dominate the current EDM friendly landscape with an electro-house classic, but the duo instead pulled a fast one releasing this modern disco-funk classic. But with Pharrell’s soulful croon, an insanely infectious chorus, and a groove that just won’t quit, the legendary bots dominated anyhow with more style and grace than anyone else.

3) Drake – “Hold On, We’re Going Home”

“Hold On, We’re Going Home” isn’t the best song on Drake’s latest album, the mesmerizing “Nothing Was the Same,” but it was certainly destined to be the biggest hit. It’s hard not to understand why – Drake’s pining voice has never sounded better, and the song is as romantic as it is infectious. But nothing else on the radio even comes close to the soulfulness Drake exudes on this track, as it feels more at place on a 60’s Motown record than on modern pop radio. If somebody told me Drake was the new Marvin Gaye with this track his “Sexual Healing,” I couldn’t bring myself to disagree.

4) Calvin Harris – “Sweet Nothing” (feat. Florence Welch)

The seas of predictable EDM pop have risen so high this year that we can barely keep our noses above water, but thankfully Calvin Harris provided a barge with this fiery track. On its surface, “Sweet Nothing” doesn’t do too much to stand out – it follows the typical crescendo-ing blueprint of modern dance pop – but one distinct element makes it erupt: Welch. I’m not a huge Florence & The Machine fan, but Welch owns this track and raises it to new heights of splendor, giving it an undeniably classic feel while keeping it squarely in the “now.”

5) Lady Gaga – “Applause”

It’s no secret that “Applause” isn’t anything particularly special in Lady Gaga’s lineage of pop mega-hits, but there’s no denying it gets the job done regardless. There’s not much else to stay about this one really except that it’s just Gaga at her Gaga-est – energetic, eccentric, and crowd pleasing to the bone. It’s not one of the most remarkable pop songs from this year, but it’s still as pleasantly enjoyable as most of Gaga’s work.

Top 5 Worst Pop Songs

1) Pink – “Just Give Me a Reason” (feat. Nate Ruess)

I don’t think there’s a single pop artist that’s as offensively faceless and artless these days as Pink (excuse me, P!nk), as every song she releases these days seems to just be directly copying current trends. And what was her half-baked attempt at eeking her way into radio overexposure this year? Basically accosting the dude from Fun. (who we got more than enough of last year) and basically making a Fun. song, only with the twice the melodrama and even less the originality. As long as Pink keeps getting her nauseating pop garbage on the radio somehow, I fear me and pop radio will never truly get along.

2) Anything with Pitbull in it this year…and ever

We can keep spraying for him all we want, but this roach of a pop rapper will just keep finding his way back on the radio in DROVES. Whether it’s one of his own grating party-rap duds off his latest album “Global Warming” or one of the countless features he’s done for artists like Ke$ha and Flo Rida, this snarky bad pick-up line in a suit just continues to suck the life out of pop music like a leech. I swear if I hear “Dalé!” one more time…..!”

3) Maroon 5 – “Love Somebody”

It’s almost impossible for me to say the name “Maroon 5” without a long, dismayed groan following it, as every song they release just proves to be more vapid and mind-numbing than the next. And with this bloated piece of milquetoast pop balladry having an unstoppable radio presence, I’m all the more convinced that Maroon 5 doesn’t make music as much as consumable products meant solely to generate profit for record companies. “Love Somebody” is as faceless and uninspired as pop music gets, and I’m sure Adam Levine & Co. are thrilled about that.

4) Passenger – “Let Her Go”

Every year, I’m always thrilled to give out the esteemed award for “Vomit-Inducing Melodramatic Faux-Indie Superstar of the Year,” and while last year saw artists like Mumford & Sons, The Lumineers, and Ed Sheeran clawing at each other for the prize, this year is a no brainer, as Passenger steals the crown with his empty, sappy lyrics, excruciatingly wimpy voice, and this feverishly annoying diddy of his. Congratulations Passenger, please accept this wreathe lined with suspenders and banjo strings as your reward!

5) Lana Del Rey – “Summertime Sadness”

Lana Del Rey, with her Nancy Sinatra-wannabe voice and cheaply sentimental songs, was already annoying well before this remix of a track from last year’s insipid “Born To Die” barged its way into the mainstream. But with this all-too-generic dance remix clogging up the Top 40 airwaves, Miss Del Rey has officially become a pervasive entity in my life – which effectively makes my life worse. Good job, LDR!

PHOTO TAKEN tumblr.com