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Last updateThu, 20 Apr 2017 10am

Features

Why a Chipotle Burrito is a Better Valentine than Your Boyfriend

boo rito

The glory place. The holy mecca. The most visited, tourist-attracted place in the world. Even just pulling up in the parking lot and batting your eyelashes at the sight of the building’s beauty alone is enough to make your heart palpitate out of your chest. The doors swing open; welcoming you into what is essentially heaven on earth. You look up and see the letters "C-H-I-P-O-T-L-E" perched above you, and you know you have found your true home.

Any state, any town, any time you see a Chipotle restaurant, people are lined outside of it as if it its burritos store the beautiful truth of the world inside of their toasted flour shell, and people are ready to get enlightened by even just one bite. Perhaps the reason Socrates was so incredibly wise was because he found this nice, little secret Tex-Mex fast food chain, took one bite, and suddenly, every truth in the world was revealed with just the taste of guacamole dancing on his tongue.

Yes, that good. It’s almost as if, too, the Fountain of Youth is stored inside of its chicken and carnita scented walls, and people just can’t wait to dive-in head, and mouth, first.

The smiles on people’s faces are indescribable, as it seems to get painted across the face with pure joy as the smell of the brown rice simmering creeps up their nostrils. This incredibly elevating phenomenon of knowing that they are about to indulge in what is quite possibly the best chain burrito in the world, is pure bliss.

People are lining up at its doors because, really, Chipotle fills a void in not only our stomachs, but in our lives. You see, Chipotle will never let you down. That big, succulent burrito oozing with cheese and hot sauce knows you better than your very own significant other. And it knows how to treat you right, even on Valentine’s Day.

According to Eryn Siddal, a senior burrito enthusiast, "I love Chipotle because a chipotle burrito is like the perfect boyfriend: warm, with a little bit of spice, and will always leave you satisfied." The psychology student feels that no one will quite romance her like the savory flavor of a chicken burrito.

You see, unlike your boyfriend or girlfriend, a Chipotle burrito will always spice it up (pun intended). With every single bite, you are always in for a different surprise. Will you get sour cream, cheese, rice, and a bit of chicken? Or, will you get just a big chunk of guac with a dash of pinto beans? You will never know.

And that’s what keeps it so fun and exciting. You are always on your toes while eating a burrito. Well, maybe not always, because usually I’m sitting down on those metal, industrial-looking chairs that are sprawled across the restaurant and my legs are stretched out along the chair parallel to mine, but you get the point.

And sometimes, my burrito will buy me a little gift, and accompany itself with a big bag of chips covered with the most crystal, salty deliciousness. It’s as if Swarovski gems have been crushed and sprinkled along its crunchy, oily tortilla-ness. Talk about being spontaneous and thoughtful!

Not only does your burrito surprise you with little gifts, but sometimes through the Chipotle app your burrito will sends you little notifications to remind you how much it appreciates you - filling the voids of impatiently waiting for your significant other to text you. Sometimes a little message will appear on my cell phone inviting me back for some more lovin’. It’s not overbearing. It’s not jealous. It’s not pushy. It’s not playing games. The Chipotle burrito truly adores you for you and understands your worth, which in this case, is $7.25.

Additionally, the burrito is, essentially, everything that you could’ve ever dreamed of. In a sense, you are your very own Dr. Frankenstein whenever you stroll on up to the glass window separating you from your true happiness. You choose your rice ("Double scoop of brown, please!"). You decide if you want half-chicken and half-steak, or if you’re more of a sofrito lover.

You dictate the amount of sour cream you want ("Give me a dollop the size of a softball!"). Your ideal soul mate is being crafted before your very eyes by the people bearing the black shirts with "Chipotle" spread across their chests. I’m convinced that their hands have been touched by a higher being.

Jaelyn Tucker, another Chipotle connoisseur, explained, "Unlike a man, you can create your own and leave out all the extras. It comes out perfect every time." The senior criminal justice student feels, however, there is no such thing as a perfect man.

The utter euphoria of approaching the counter and smelling the delicious fixings is enough to make my stomach and heart want to do cartwheels and flips and hit the bachata. Then the rest of my organs join in, and it truly becomes a fiesta.

A Chipotle burrito understands you. A Chipotle burrito is there for you. A Chipotle burrito is the ideal Valentine, 365 days a year. According to Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Chair of the Department of Psychology, "Successful healthy relationships are built on a strong foundation of deep friendship between two people who respect each other, enjoy each other’s company, trust each other, and who also are willing to work at the relationship through an abundance of open and respectful communication." My Chipotle burrito encompasses all of those qualities.

My burrito is the Romeo to my Juliet.

So ditch the corny flowers, chuck the chocolates into the garbage (because you’re going to need to save the calories to get that extra scoop of sour cream – I mean, if you’re into that kind of thing,) remove yourself from the sappy romantic movie projecting itself across the big screen at your local AMC, and instead, go partake in a candle-lit dinner with your boo-ritto.

IMAGE TAKEN from buzzfeed.com

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