You know it’s time to go back to school when your smart phone is ready to blow up with University emails regarding parking lot closures and weather alerts. Nothing like 15 school emails in a day to make you want to reactivate your old flip phone. But who doesn’t love that email that comes straight to your Blackberry from the professor who cancelled your 8:30 am class? It’s like waking up to a tree full of presents on Christmas morning.
Now we can’t forget about parking. Remember how much fun that is, commuters? Get ready to fight to the death over a spot that is two miles from your class that starts in five minutes, thanks to Larchwood Avenue being under construction, yet again.
But that’s not all- there is nothing more depressing than those K-mart back to school commercials that pop up every five seconds once July 15 hits. However, nothing could make back-to-school more exciting than Target advertising Solo cups and ping pong balls with their back to school sales. Until, that is, you realize you have to reconstruct your entire schedule because you missed a bad review on RateMyProfessor.com.
Now is when you start adding “library dates” to your calendar instead of planning beach trips on your days off from work. No more late nights at D’Jais or Bar-A until 4:00 am. Looks like the only all-nighters you’ll be pulling will be taking place in the University Library. It turns out LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” isn’t actually a good song unless you have consumed an entire bottle of Svedka.
The start of another semester means it’s time to start shopping for random ugly furniture off of shady Craigslist ads so that you can still afford tuition. Looks like that beer pong table will have to substitute for a dining room table this year. Hopefully the summer didn’t waste away your flip cup skills while running around for 30 hours a week at that dreadful summer internship.
In addition to that wonderful summer internship, who doesn’t love to slave away as a camp counselor for four months only to see every dime of that hard earned cash spent on books for one semester? But don’t worry; you’ll get to sell that $400 Biology book back in four months in exchange for seven bucks and a pen that says “Go Hawks!”
But thank God the bookstore carries a wide variety of shot glasses to help us keep our “Hawk Pride” in mind even though drinking on campus is prohibited. Who knew that the printers in Plangere could actually become slower until you need to print that ten page paper for your Communication class starting in ten minutes? Instead of taking notes in your Critical Discourse class, you find yourself debating whether to be Casey Anthony or the girl from the Sun Drop commercial for Halloween.
Now that school is in session, enjoy waking up for that 8:30 am Calculus class instead of sleeping off your hangover until 2:00 am every day. As a result, caffeine is no longer the iced latte you pick up at the Dunkin Donuts on 16 Avenue in Belmar, it becomes your only means of survival. On the plus side, you no longer have to worry about midnight trips to the nearest Walgreens since Health Services provides us all with an unlimited amount of free condoms.
But you really know that it’s back to school when you realize that November is around the corner and you know that means… those tacky Twilight trailers start popping up on every channel.