Seeing Anyone

Are You Seeing Anyone?

Expectations for finding a significant other come in many different forms from a variety of people in your life. There is always the ideal significant other that others see for you: your friends have theirs for you, your family has theirs, society has its, and then there is yours—the most important one.  

In my life I have always had the support of my parents no matter what, so it is the same for significant others. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, so I can’t say I know for sure that they’re truly okay with anything, but I have a feeling they seriously would be. I think my biggest critic would be my big brother, because as much as we may hate each other at times, we want the best for each other. We are both overachievers, so finding a significant other will be hard for us: high standards. If I come up with anything less than the star of a sports team or a boy with a bright future in a lucrative job market, he’s going to judge. But I don’t blame him because honestly I would do the same to him.

As for extended family, it is always the same questions at family gatherings: “So, are you dating anyone?” That truly is the dreaded question, isn’t it? And then you have those aunts and uncles that when you tell them “No,” ask “Why not?” Now you’re trapped. If you say “I’m just having fun” they go into the “don’t forget to be safe” talk and if you try to change the subject they always come back to it. And, come on we have all judged our cousins’ significant other’s: “Yikes, he/she can do better than that.”

Friends are funny when it comes to significant others. Every friend has an opinion. “I see you with [fill in the blank].” They aren’t afraid to tell you who they think your ideal significant other is. Furthermore, they aren’t afraid to try to set you up with that type of person either. Our friends always mean well, but sometimes they take it too far. Though I don’t blame them, I would hate to listen to me whine about being single too.

And then there is a societal expectation of whom you should be with. I hate the idea that people of a certain race need to be with someone of the same race. I think that “ideal” is absolutely ridiculous. People can be with whomever they want to be with! Skin color, religion, body types, it doesn’t matter! Of course, there is a matter of preference by each individual, but societal implications should keep its hands out of the matter.

Ultimately, I think the pressure of finding a significant other truly lies within us. Yes, our friends and family and even society play a supporting role, but we are the lead actors of our lives: we make our own decisions. Some of us are people pleasers, so we want to make all of those groups of people happy, but, honestly, that is probably near to impossible.

Well, I am a people pleaser. So, no, I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Yes, I am trying to make everyone happy, but as I am growing older, I am realizing that this isn’t anyone’s choice but mine. So then why really have I not been in a relationship? Because I have created such standards that create such pressure on myself to find the “right” significant other. The funny thing about standards that we create is that by making them we could be missing out on the loves of our lives. I could say that I only want a guy who is over 6’ tall and my soul mate could be 5’9” and I would never give him a shot. These standards, these guidelines we make in our heads, can be debilitating to our futures.