Hookup culture, love it or hate it, it seems as though it is here to stay. I rarely hear of anyone actually asking someone on a date anymore, but I have faith that there are some people out there that still have date nights and actual conversations about life. So many of us ~romantics~ find it hard to catch up with this hookup culture.
It seems a lot like people aren’t “asked out” anymore, but instead they are DMed, direct messaged, or swiped right on Tinder for an implied hook up. There is something so impersonal about the way that boys and girls today get together. It isn’t the cheesy romantic comedy pickup line or the simple “hi” in person. Instead it’s the creeping around social media and dating apps.
Honestly, I think that DMs and dating apps are just excuses to avoid person-to-person conversations. Sometimes, yes, it is easier to DM someone because you can really think about what your responses will be, but isn’t that the best part of getting to know someone? Seeing whom they really are when they have no time to plan out what to say.
Furthermore, it seems like our generation doesn’t like to label things anymore. If you’re hooking up, it’s nothing to anyone. If you’re hooking up and hanging out it seems like you’re just “talking.” But, what does that even mean? What it means is that you’re not labeling anything because you’re keeping your options open. Again, with hookup culture, we aren’t limiting ourselves to just one person to spend time with. Therefore, we donned the potential partners in our lives as someone we are just “talking” with.
Avoiding labels gets us into some tricky situations. If you’re “talking” with someone does that mean that you can’t hookup with other people, or is that cheating? Would the person you’re “talking” to get upset about that or are they hooking up with other people too? And if they are, are you okay with that, or do you want something more from them? All of these questions, which are just scratching the surface of all the confusion, float in your head when you’re in a just “talking” relationship (a “relationship” like a connection you make on Linkedin, clearly not a holding hands relationship).
Wouldn’t it just be easier to ask someone on a date and give a real relationship a whirl? I feel like it is easier to know if you like someone for who they really are if you spend more personal time with them. You waste less time getting to know someone than you do trying to figure out what your “relationship” is.
“Dating” comes with a set of social guidelines that clear up so many questions that someone who is just “talking” to someone would have. If you’re dating someone you aren’t seeing anyone else. Loyalty is expected. If you’re dating someone you’re both making the conscious effort to get to know one another.
To change this culture for the better it would be best to start by knowing what we are getting ourselves into, and be on the same page. If we are just “talking” to someone it could mean a thousand different things. Why do we do this to ourselves? We need to get to know people better. Foxy Brown once said, “To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads.” So, let’s get to know the toads first and then figure out if they’re worth kissing.
