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No Place for Females in Sports

Here’s the thing, a female’s place is in the kitchen, not on the field.

Why on earth would a female think that she could run, kick, or dribble a ball? The sporting world is no place for such delicate creatures. They might injure themselves and their womanhood.  As a female myself, I get exhausted with the slightest physical activity, let alone competition. I would much rather stay in my house all day cleaning and awaiting my family to arrive home.

Today, we see female athletes taking to the field and the court at the highest level. Many of them want to be paid in equal proportion to their male counterparts. Why should they even get paid? How dare they think this? How do these spouses expect those men to be the breadwinners of their families if their husbands do not get paid more? How do they expect those men to make a living? It just wouldn’t be fair, to the men of course.

Along with more money, females now want to be paid to have a baby. They should not be paid for their natural duty. Their husbands can cover the bill and work as they feed, burp, and bathe the child. Instead of having dreams of returning to the game that they play, child bearers should focus on becoming proper mothers.

And it’s not just money some players complain about, some females whine about not getting adequate media coverage. You know why there is less media coverage? Because no one wants to watch a sporting event that is slower and involves less athletic individuals. Men do not want to watch female athletes tarnish the sport that they themselves play. As a female, even I know that the sports that I play are not as competitive. They are not as exciting to watch.

Don’t even get me started on women attempting to coach men’s sports. What makes them think that they know how to coach the opposite sex? They don’t know what their players need and the players don’t know how to treat them. Men can do it though, clearly because they have for so long. Girls and females being coached by men makes them tough. A female coach just doesn’t have that toughness. It has been like this for decades, so why should it change now?

Females should be grateful that there is currently a place for them. If you achieved success, don’t ask for more. You got what you wanted and that’s that. 

The only place that a female belongs is on the sidelines holding pom poms and shouting “rah rah sis boom bah”. They should be part of the entertainment, not reporting on it. Why would anyone listen to what a female has to say about sports? There is no way that they could know enough about the sport, even if they did “play” it themselves. Female reporters should be in the booth and not on the sidelines because their voice is too shrill. And, if there are female reporters who are allowed to be on the field, remind them to smile more and dress for the men that watch sports.

There are two sporting events that are acceptable for females to partake in: beach volleyball and gymnastics. It is in these sports that the glorious bodies of the female athletes can be admired by the audience. Their athleticism is masked by their toned physique and their bodies are on display for all to marvel out. Tennis might be the one another sport that females can participate in. The short skirts and often sexual sounding grunts make the sport more appealing to fans. But, like legend John McEnroe said, even the best female tennis player would not be able to beat an unranked men’s player. They cannot make the strength and power of the men.

Executives of sports teams should be men. The only place a female has in the office is as a secretary, serving those who accomplish real work. What does it matter if everyone around the table is a man? Some argue that these environments do not include the thoughts and concerns of females and female fans. However, like I have said time and time again, there are no female sports fans and there are no fans of female sports.

But, they need to be reminded to keep their emotions in check. They cry and complain anytime they experience the slightest inconvenience. Temper tantrums are for the toddlers that these moms should be looking after.  And then they boast about their success and shove it in everyone’s face. Females should be poised, ladylike, at all times.

This should go back to the way they used to be, in the good old days. Back when females didn’t have leagues to play in. Back when they were too fragile to run more than 200 meters. Back when females were too busy with being housewives to even think about competing in a sport. Back when the only jobs for them were secretarial and teaching positions. Or, if you dared to dream, the crossing guard at the local elementary school. 

Another thing. Stop trying to make it about gender. For example, the most popular sport for girls in the United States is basketball. Girls’ basketball will never be equal to men’s basketball. The balls are different sizes, the three point lines are different, and girls can’t dunk. The females of the sport are less athletic than the men. People do not know their names.  No one can expect people to appreciate things that are completely different.

Now, I leave you to ponder these thoughts. I hope that you think these statements are absurd. They are. The simple fact is, if we invested in women from the start, we would not even need to be having this conversation. These women work just as hard as their male counterparts. They train and give their life to the game they love. Sure, their sports might never be equal to those of men’s, but that doesn’t make them less valuable. Bye, I need to go watch the women of the United States Women’s National Soccer Team, the WNBA, and all of the women who call sports home kick some ass, right after I finish making dinner and vacuuming the house.