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Put This in Your Coffee Cup

If there is one thing about college that makes me cringe at the very sound of its utterance, it’s the sound of my 7:30 am alarm screeching, trying to wake my drowsy college butt up from bed. For some college students, that sound makes us take our pillows and throw them over our heads.

We mumble a conjuncture of words that are supposed to come out as, “I don’t want to get up” but really come out as “ughlksaglkjaegh.” Somehow we miraculously manage to wake up and start to get ready. But there are always mishaps that occur when college students (who are barely awake) try to get ready for an early morning class, that groggy feeling is never desired. Well here’s something for the early birds to read as they sip their morning cup o’ joe.

It all starts with the night before, when you’re getting all ready for bed. You first go and brush your teeth until your breath has the smell of a Scope commercial and then you have some quality time with your alarm clock.

You click through the buttons to set the alarm to 7:30 am and of course mess up the numbers in the process, therefore you have to scroll through another time to set it for the right time. After your thumbs get a work out from constantly pressing the buttons for what seems like a million years, you crawl into bed and begin to dream.

Suddenly, it’s like your mind just went “jk lol” because your alarm is yelling and it sounds 10 times louder than what you originally thought it would’ve sounded like. I call this the “what the flot-sam is going on” moment.

The worst part is, when your alarm begins to go off, it’s as if you have no idea where the sound is even coming from; looking around the room like it’s an alien abduction or something. And when you finally realize that it’s the alarm that is going off, you hustle out of bed and shut it off, only to massage your head seconds later.

Now it’s a matter of making good use of those befuddled motor skills. After you’re done stretching like it’s the Olympics, you somehow walk into the bathroom and brush your teeth. You come back to your room, and now it’s time to get dressed but oh wait, here’s another “jk rofl” moment, the room is pitch black.

So let’s play the game of “getting dressed in the dark” and you’re the first contestant. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put a shirt on backwards or put two different pairs of shoes on; you’d think I’d know better but I definitely do not. Yet you scramble for your clothes, feeling around through your closet and your drawers.

Still barely awake, but you manage to put some type of coherent outfit on. Oh wait, let’s not forget about the most important (and personal favorite) part of this 8:30 am class fiasco: breakfast.

I absolutely love food, I could honestly eat all day long. However in the morning, the last thing I want to do is walk over to the Dining Hall like a zombie and eat.

Forming legitimate sentences is a problem and I’m supposed to walk over to the Dining Hall and socialize? No way. Although for some, they are able to do this, but I for one cannot. But in generalized speaking, having an 8:30 am class means you’ll need food to fuel your noodle (PB&J Otter reference intended). You’ll either be going to the Dining Hall, or be munching on a granola while walking to class ,but the noodle must be filled!

Then it gets to the point where you have to walk to class, and sit in class for an hour and fifteen minutes. You become so bored you begin to count the freckles on your right arm (or maybe that’s just me).

Your mind still continues to play “lol I’m yanking your chain” games with you. You look at the clock, cool it’s 9:00 am, you look again (thinking it’s been like a half hour) and then it’s “haha just kidding!” it’s only 9:03 am and you’re nearly about to lose your mind.

Now this is the point where you have to look at the clock every five seconds because mind games are taking over, making the class seem even longer. What a hard knock life us college kids have to endure. Tsk tsk.

Wait folks, here’s the best part: class is over. You pack up your books and jet out of the class and you roll like a speed demon to either your next class (sorry) or your bed (congratulations).

But the objective that I’m driving at here is that 8:30 am classes are no fun. Despite all of these horrible instances, some of us still have 8:30 am classes, and endure this routine at least twice a week. And for those that have to go through this routine more than twice a week, to infinity and beyond my friends, God speed.