My phone buzzed and the little Facebook icon popped up in the corner of my screen that means “you have a new friend request!” I assumed it was someone I knew from class, or a distant relative who I met at a family barbeque. I opened the Facebook app on my smartphone to see who it was.
The name attached to the friend request was familiar, but I had to wonder how my high school acquaintance’s long haired Chihuahua managed to set up a Facebook page with such tiny paws. Her profile picture was so darn cute that I had to accept Cupcake’s friend request.
Soon enough, I was friends with two dogs, three cats and a ferret on Facebook. I accepted a friend request from Stan the corn snake shortly after he wished me a very “sssspecial” day on my timeline when my birthday came around.
It was then that I realized, I think I’m friends with more pets than humans on Facebook. My newsfeed was flooded by cuddly creatures and comments about how precious they looked dressed up as a pumpkin for Halloween.
Instagram is no different. I posted one picture of my golden retriever on my personal account and suddenly I have a whole cult of kittens and puppies “following” me.
I’ll admit, most pet selfies will make my heart melt in an instant, but it feels like the internet has become “Planet of the Apes;” if the apes were fluffy domestic mammals with big eyes and wet noses, that is.
We have to accept the fact that pets have consumed the internet. This could only mean a few things: humans are so bored with the limitations of their own social media profiles that they take on furry personas for a new and refreshing take on the experience.
Most of our personal friends and followers will judge us if we change our profile picture more than once a week.
If your dog posts 500 pictures of himself and the cat in different rooms of the house they will easily receive a dozen likes in the first two minutes. It’s a major ego boost knowing that we are the power behind the paws of Fluffy’s Facebook fame, even if no one else does.
Pets are really secret masterminds who have learned the ways of the internet and are plotting a bigger technological invasion than Japan. Sleep with one eye open, pet owners.
Humans who create social media pages for their pets have way too much time on their hands. I barely have time to manage my own social media pages, let alone for something with a leash.
My social media activity is limited to a few Facebook statuses and an occasional post on Instagram, but that’s pushing it. If my dog wants to tweet or send Snapchats to the cat next door he can develop his own opposable thumbs. #petproblems.
Don’t get me wrong, showing off your pets on the internet is completely acceptable. If “Grumpy Cat” doesn’t make you smile then no amount of cuddly kittens will.
However, if your pet has more followers than you on Twitter, it’s time to reevaluate the way you’re using social media.
Don’t let that adorable face fool you.
Underneath that soft layer of fur is an evil genius just waiting to steal your friends and your delicate fingers dancing across the keyboard is enabling them.
If you have ever searched the hash tags, #pets, #instapets, #petsofinstagram or anything similar, you know that there are photos upon photos of dogs, cats and other domestic animals that humans call their best friends.
Sounds sweet, right? Still, I can’t help but feel resentful toward my dog for getting twice as many “likes” on that photo I posted of him lying on the floor as I did on my latest selfie.
Moral of the story: everyone loves a good pet picture now and then, but when domestic animals take control of the internet, don’t say you had nothing to do with it. We’re the ones who encourage the egotistical and vain behavior of our pets on social media.
Even if you have never created a Facebook account for your dog, or even if you don’t have a pet of your own, don’t tell me you have never “liked” a picture of a puppy posing for their owner’s iPhone camera.
We have a weakness for those adorable little creatures and that’s okay. Simple pleasures don’t have to be guilty ones. After all, you would have accepted Cupcake’s friend request too.
PHOTO TAKEN from bostinno.streetwise.com
