Superhero Movies Stink

Superhero Movies Stink But They Save the Box Office

I hate superhero movies. I know you’re probably already labeling me as a villain, but let me explain.

First, there’s too many comic book movies out there because every time I blink, a new one comes out. Marvel is releasing five movies this year, while DC is releasing two.

With these films, it’s not like you can watch one on it’s own; the comic book diehards implore you to melt your brain by watching 300 Marvel flicks so you can understand the latest one coming out.

For example, leading up to Avengers: Endgame, AMC hosted a 22 Marvel movie marathon, which lasted 59 hours or two and a half days.

I’m sure many parents were concerned when they couldn’t find their 30 year old son in their basement.

Considering so many superhero movies come out, there’s little concern about what happens to the main character.

Before the flick comes out, the studio announces that there will be another three movies to come in their series, along with appearances in collaborative superhero movies.

Hence, while watching the movie, you already know the fate of the hero because the studio needs them alive for a hundred more!

Not only is the main character’s fate cemented, but every other aspect of the movies are cliche and bland.

Most of the stories are the same, where the main character discovers their power, joins forces with quirky friends or heroes, and the bad guy always loses.

The villain’s plan is always the same too, where he or she’s objective is to just destroy the world.

If the villain were to win, would it be such a bad thing?

Because if it is the end of the world, at least we don’t have to watch this garbage anymore.

The action stinks as well. All of the action sequences are done in front of green screens and are too polished to feel compelling.

The hits aren’t as hard as they are in films like John Wick or Mission Impossible, where the action requires the actor to engage in hand-to-hand combat or stunt work.

Now if I were five-years-old, would I really care that much about all these aspects of these movies? Nope.

Superhero movies should be for children or teenagers who are looking for a fun night out and a little inspiration in their lives.

Like we’re told as kids, we can be anything we want to be. All we have to do is search for that inner super power then we can fly like Superman!

But later on, we discover we can’t have any powers unless we get a degree, so our super power becomes budgeting.

It’s understandable for children to enjoy these movies and I’m not low enough to criticize their taste (even though I was probably watching better films on TCM at that age).

However, it’s strange for adults to suck on the Spider-man popsicles.

I’m all for films where you have to leave your brain behind at the door to enjoy them, but it might feel abandoned at Marvel movies.

Considering these movies come out all the time, there are plenty of adult fans who are infatuated by Thor’s shiny hammer, which leads them to act like children.

Obviously this is not the case for every single fan, but I think everyone can acknowledge there are tons of people who take their fandom too far.

Just look up “Marvel Unboxing” on YouTube and I rest my case. Also, for those who think Avengers: Endgame is the “movie of the century” and the months of being obnoxiously excited clearly didn’t see the Mamma Mia sequel last summer.

I can see a Marvel fanatic’s veins pop out of their neck and hear the paper crinkle in their clenched fists while they read my unpopular opinions, but here’s where I take off my infinity gauntlet.

Even though I hate these movies, they are the only ones keeping the theater alive.

Yes, the very foundation of the institution I worship weekly at is held up by the genre I despise.

Last year, in the box office’s top ten, five of the highest grossing movies were comic book ones.

Black Panther came in first with $700 million, while Avengers: Infinity War earned $678 million.

There were also a couple who finished outside of the top ten like Venom at $213 million and Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse at $190 million.

This is only in ticket sales. When these Marvel maniacs go to the theater, they’re not watching the movie empty handed.

To sit through a two-and-a-half-hour CGI smorgasbord, they’ll need a tub of popcorn and an icee to further numb their brains.

I can hate on the genre and fandom all I want, but it’s their ticket sales and spending at the concession stands that keeps my church breathing.

All of the films I enjoy like foreign, independent, arthouse, or dramas can’t make it on their own without the boost of superhero movies.

Even though they should, those movies don’t have the same national appeal as Marvel.

Superhero movies have all the powers, while my unpopular opinion is powerless.