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Ask Chloe

Ever since my friend got a boyfriend she only spends her time with him, she has become distant from our entire friend group. This is making me upset. Should I say something?

 – Anonymous

Anonymous– I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Love is blind” before. Sometimes the relationships we are in have the power to cloud our minds and judgments. Suddenly when you are in love, you may not evaluate your own actions.

Now that your friend has a boyfriend she may feel that he takes priority over your friend group. If you decide to approach your friend consider, Consider first when and where. There is always a time and place…take time to negotiate and recognize what exactly is the source of the emotion. It’s best not to rush the message,” said Kim Fleming, Adjunct Instructor of Communication.

Lisa Allocco, Professor of Communication, suggests to use a face-to-face approach, along with behavioral statements to describe how you are feeling.

“I believe it was the psychologist, Thomas Gordon, who is associated with ‘I’ and ‘You’ statement language to accurately express emotions.  Using a statement such as, “I feel sad that you haven’t been hanging out in our friend group since you started dating, John.” Would accurately describe [your] feelings and allow [you] to take ownership of [your] feeling toward [your] friend’s change in behavior.  The friend who’s dating might be more receptive to the honest expression of emotion,” said Allocco.

Using ‘you’ statements, can come across as judgmental. Allocco explained by using a “you” statement it could appear that you aren’t, “taking ownership of the message. Stating our feelings objectively without judgement often yields successful interpersonal communication outcomes,” said Allocco.

I know it can seem scary to stand up for your own feelings. Odds are that other people in the group may be feeling the same way and telling the truth, although hard, may be the best option.

Good Luck,


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