The last thing I thought I’d have the chance to do was sit in a theater with my best friend listening to My Chemical Romance’s “Famous Last Words” blast over the speakers while waiting for a YouTuber I used to watch (and, admittedly, still watch) come on stage. But alas, sometimes life takes us by surprise.
Anybody who was on the internet, more specifically Tumblr or YouTube, circa 2014 probably gets a twitch in their neck when they hear the words “Dan and Phil.” As somebody who actively grew up in this climate, I can vouch for such a reaction— even the names said separately send me into a flashback of flower crowns, bad edits, and cat whiskers.
Daniel Howell and Phil Lester— known more commonly as the aforementioned package deal of Dan and Phil— were British YouTube sensations in the mid-2010s, raking in millions of subscribers and views across their various channels. As time went on, their relevance in online culture began to dwindle. After two world tours, two books, and countless other endeavors, the duo seemed set for life. This is exactly why a niche corner of the internet seemed to break when in May, one-half of the iconic pair announced his own solo live show titled, We’re All Doomed. I knew immediately that I had to go.
On Oct. 16th, I lived out a dream come true. There I was, sitting at Count Basie Center for the Arts in Red Bank donning my freshly purchased merch T-shirt. The theater, unsurprisingly, was filled with young adults my age, many wondering aloud, “What are we doing at a Dan Howell show in 2022?”
I was wondering the same thing. We’re All Doomed was branded as a comedy show, but having seen the preceding The Amazing Tour Is Not on Fire at the ripe age of 15, I knew there was more in store. In short, I was not disappointed.
Despite its title, We’re All Doomed proved to be a night of ironic optimism, complete with laughs, tears, and world-view revelations. While the impending inevitability of the world ending was certainly discussed at length, Howell advised the audience, “Embrace the void and have the courage to exist.”
Fans were able to leave not only more informed about the world’s dangers but also with a strange sense of hope and positivity for what we as individuals can do to lessen the world’s horrors. Howell singlehandedly commanded the stage; through vulgar humor, harsh truths, and crowd participation, he was able to entertain and move the audience for almost two hours. The bar was already high to begin with, but Howell topped it in more ways than one.
As someone who feels as though they grew up with Dan and Phil, I was left in speechless tears by the end of the show. There is something so indescribable about seeing a childhood idol resurrect years after growing apart from them, but feeling like you picked a good one out of the bunch to idolize from the start. Howell demonstrated himself as having not only matured past his original branding of llamas and the same black shirt in every video, but also as an advocate for mental health and world issues—something a fan can’t help but be proud of.
Though the tour came as a shock to fans, Howell hasn’t been completely silent since his hiatus from YouTube back in April 2018. In June 2019, Howell uploaded a 45-minute video titled, “Basically, I’m Gay,” in which he recounts childhood trauma and subsequent struggles of accepting his sexuality, especially as it was constantly a topic of discussion on the internet. He also detailed his ongoing mental health struggles, revealing that at one point he even tried to take his own life. In turn, Howell authored a mental health guide, You Will Get Through This Night, in collaboration with Dr. Heather Bolton.
Howell has since restarted his YouTube channel, even going so far as to post regularly. While the new content— a weekly segment referred to as “Dystopia Daily”— loosely follows concepts found in We’re All Doomed, the videos stay fresh and engaging.
Howell has proved himself as a voice of this generation, one who knows how to use his expansive platform for more. We may all be doomed, but we can learn to embrace it along the way.
