Opinion

Step Away from the Shoulder Pads

Unfortunate Fashion Trends that Refuse to Go Away


opinion-polka-dot-dressAdmit it: we all have participated in an embarrassing fashion trend. Let’s put it out in the open right now. I am totally guilty of wearing knee high socks, a Penny Lane dress, with my hair in pigtails when I was five years old, but, let’s not reminisce about my childhood fashion fiascos.

But yes, we have all experienced some major fashion failures, and I’m going to go through a few of them. I may not be a fashionista, but these clothing pieces would be nowhere near my “wear” board in Pinterest.

First up are the dreaded shoulder pads. I would love to talk to the per­son who believes that women look more attractive when looking like linebackers. Shoulder pads are sup­posed to, like everything else, change the way a women’s body looks. How­ever, is it really appealing to like a girl who looks like she is ready to collide head on with a lineman? No.

Women should be able to accentu­ate what they already have. I already have broad shoulders. Add the shoul­der pads and a helmet, and presto, “put me in coach.”Shoulder pads need to tackle themselves to the ground and never get back up again.

Up next is the bandana under the fitted hat. The only person that I have seen somewhat work-it is 50 Cent. I know that people do not go walking around on campus wearing bandanas under their hats, but I have seen it in action, and it is not appealing. There is no “swag” when it comes to the bandana under the hat trend.

What do you think of when you hear the words “leg warmers?” Did anyone have a mini 80’s throwback party with themselves like I just did? Was Patrick Swayze there? Or maybe the cast from the Breakfast Club?

I have never actually worn leg warmers, so I cannot judge them on their effectiveness. I believe that these are okay to wear as long as it does not look like I just got farted on by an 80s rainbow. If you can avoid that, then I award you points.

Okay, here is a big one: shirts with stupid sayings on them. And if you are a little bit confused as to what I am talking about, I will provide you an example.

You are walking down a path, and then you see someone with a “Cool story babe, now make me a sand­wich” shirt on.

What sandwich?

And since when am I a babe?

I did not know we were on this level.

Granted, some of the sayings found on graphic tees are quite amusing, but this one takes the cake. I think it is hilarious. Only because there is abso­lutely no way that I would ever make a guy a sandwich because his shirt told me too.

What if I wore a shirt that said, “Cool story bro, why don’t you text me back?”

And even though my shirt says to text me back, you are not going to do it anyway.

No text. No sandwich.

Putting sandwiches aside, we are now going to address parachutes.

Yes. Parachute pants.

The only thing that I can think to say about this trend is that unless we are descending in the air, these pants are not necessary.

Or maybe if we are dancing to MC Hammer.

Stop… Hammer time!

While still on the subject of pants, why do people wear their pants below their bums? How can they walk? Do they walk?

Wait no, they waddle.

Like penguins.

But then, they are always picking up their pants as they are walking. Why not just wear your pants on your hips like a regular human being? I do not really care about the boxer briefs that you have on. I know what Fruit of the Loom underpants look like.

Additionally, whatcha gonna do with your pants on the ground?

I have a simple answer to that:

Face plant.

I may not be the most fashionable person around, but I do know that these trends are hilarious and get peo­ple talking. So before you put those lineman shoulder pads on, go MC Hammer on everyone, or ask babes to make you a sandwich, think about what message you are sending out to people. Some people are going to think you are ready for the next play, ready to hammer time, or just really hungry…or that you know a lot of babes.